These Words from A Parent That Rescued Us during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for a year."

One-time Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the reality quickly became "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Serious health issues around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver while also caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The job of mother and father," Ryan stated.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his parent, on a park bench, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct statement "You aren't in a good place. You must get assistance. What can I do to assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but rarely discussed. Although society is now better used to addressing the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan feels his difficulties are linked to a broader failure to communicate between men, who continue to hold onto harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a sign of weakness to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health surrounding childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not justified to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad offered him the opportunity to ask for a pause - taking a few days abroad, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to consider his and his partner's feelings in addition to the day-to-day duties of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she needed" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan hopes these will enable his son better understand the language of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

As a child Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Despite having an "amazing" bond with his dad, long-standing emotional pain meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "terrible actions" when younger to change how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Coping as a New Father

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, tell a family member, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. It can help to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Pay attention to the body - a good diet, staying active and if you can, resting, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - sharing their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Know that asking for help does not mean you've failed - prioritising you is the most effective way you can support your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

As a dad now, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the security and emotional guidance he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their pain, transformed how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I feel like my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are in this journey."